DON’T BLAME OUR MEN, BLAME THE SOCIETY. For long, men have been taken for granted; they have been perceived as weak creatures that can`t neither come close to perfection nor make right decisions. I wasn`t born long ago but for the short life I have lived, am a witness that this really happens. When my friend thought of settling down and starting a family, he had sleepless night, leave alone the financial aspect, his greatest problem was, questions that were going to be raised by both sides of the family. ‘Is she the best woman you`ve found?’ Probably the mother would ask. ‘’will she meet the expectations of the society?’’ the questions were ringing in his mind. I don’t blame men for the thousand and one mistakes that they make of course they are human beings just like their female counterparts; how many times have we eaten poorly cooked food, over salted meals or even stepped in messy houses and we dare not complain about a thing because we know that those who prepare those foods and tidy those houses are just human like us, again I don’t mean that a woman’s place in the society is in the kitchen. It’s just that society expects such duties to be performed by them. Mothers concentrate on telling their girls of the best kind of men they ought to marry but they forget to tell us of the best traits of a woman to marry unfortunately our fathers are busy working to ensure we have a good life; so no one educates us, yet every time we bring a girl home and introduce her as our fiancé they are the first to complain that ;they are too lazy, they don’t dress decently, they come from the worst tribe among the forty two tribes in Kenya, they are disrespectful and so forth. Kindly spare us the mess. Most marriages are on their knees due to mother in laws, who come to institute laws into engagements, they have no ideas where they came from or their destination, mothers in law should have instituted those laws to their sons long ago when they were still under their control, today when they are grown up trust them to make right decisions. After all you can take a donkey to the river but you can’t force it to drink water. My friend’s marriage was brought on its knees by his mother in law, she claimed that the girl did not know how to cook, after she visited them in their apartment something that “rose the temperatures” of the young and optimistic couple. Three months later the two separated when the” temperatures” could not be contained and the man has never remarried up to now. Surely there some of the things that we need to cope up with because they are not permanent. Couples have separated on mare basis that they shouldn‘t have; a friend of mine separated with his wife because he could not bear a child one year after their marriage, mother in law never gave his son peace of mind and the space until they separated. We marry for companionship not for children, furthermore how many couples have stayed together till old age yet they have not sired a single child together, there are so many homeless kids that you can adopt and still bring him or her up as your own. A year after they separated the wife got pregnant; something that surprises me up to date. Am not questioning our traditions and the capabilities of our loving and able mothers neither am I vituperating them but let’s be open; how many mothers, talk to their children about who they ought to marry and the best characters to look for in a woman/man who they think of considering for a marriage partner. How many teach them to be patient with people in case they don’t hit their expectations within some fixed period of time? Gone are the days when discussing these matters especially with parents was an aversion and you could only hear such matters with our grandmothers who boldly spoke like the sent angles. Today the few grandmothers left if any, are busy making money and have no time to sit around the hearth with grandchildren and discuss these matters in form of stories and metaphors. Story by Sir Kabiru and Joseph Thiongo 0705952090 0710440371
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